This is a tough topic, but maybe it’s time to “face the music”…
All “compulsives” blame their behaviour on something ... something they keep saying is only temporary... there's always tomorrow... so they’re lying to themselves... Ultimately, there is a lot of lying to other people too...it's inevitable as the shame creeps in, and the cognitive dissonance increases that the behaviour becomes more and more secret...and therefore lies and deceptions are needed to keep it secret...and that does not add to self-esteem, or to the strength of will needed to overcome the compulsion.
Yet the compulsive is different than the true addict...the addict is beyond questioning the habit, mostly or all the way past guilt...it is just need...the addict lies in a myriad of ways...
The gourmand is a person with a professed love of food, believing that she/he is more in love with food than other people, able to experience more pleasure through eating, etc. There is an elevation of eating to a central place in the personality, even to a spiritual level. The gourmand is thus an addict who dresses up the fact in socially acceptable ways; in other words, it's ok to eat, even necessary...The gourmand is lying about the importance of eating, creating and defending a rather unbalanced lifestyle, closer to gluttony than to a gourmet's discerning palate.
The couch potato is another type of compulsive...this is compulsive inactivity, sloth if you will...to this person the most attractive option is the least physically effortful...this person lies too, saying it is too hard to move, too painful, lacking all pleasure...this is a lie because there is always the possibility of enjoyment and improvement, and really no need to progress any faster than is comfortable...people come back from all sorts of physical disabilities and injuries by applying intention, determination and persistent practice...so it's a lie to believe there is no hope and that the only option is the habitual one...
Each of us may be a bit of the compulsive, addict, gourmand and couch potato, engaging in a variety of self-deceptions and different kinds of lies.
How does one stop lying? Generally speaking, it takes support of some kind...because the liar has to trust at least one person, has to be honest with one person...that's what it takes.
Stephen Stotland, Ph.D.
